I was reading an article on the web yesterday about the particular issue of girls and toys.

The author of the article, a father with a nine year old daughter, was lamenting the fact that while his son (also nine years old) was engrossed in Lego and played/created with it at every spare moment he could, his daughters toys engaged her in a different way-they made her focus on herself, her looks and how she “fit into” her social interactions.

The author went on to comment how girls in our modern society often “grow up” too fast and pondered the connection between the two issues.

While it can be easy to generalize about this issue, as a parent of both a boy and girl I can understand what he means as I see the potential in my own family.

Calico Critters Toys

You may have guessed that toys are important in my family.

I personally believe in them and allow my kids to have them.

I have seen families where they don’t like toys and their kids are more competitive and goal focused; sports, music, achievement. That’s fine, to each their own.

But in my family toys are are tools for creativity, fun, sharing and learning.

When my daughter graduated to real toys, somewhere around 5 years old, I went on a search for a toy range that I felt was appropriate for our family (ie not superficial/transient/violent).

After searching the “pink” aisles for a while I came across Calico Critters and felt a connection with these tiny flocked creatures.

They felt very different from Bratz, Barbie and the like, whose focus was too narrow; beauty, glamor and the way in which a woman is viewed in society if she is regarded as feminine and successful.

I felt my daughter was far too young to be even considering that kind of thing and I wanted to keep her away from that focus as much as possible at this early age.

It’s not that I don’t think appearances are unimportant, and neither does my daughter. I simply object to the level of focus placed on girls and their looks by all they see represented around them – media, peers and older women.

As a mother I want to present an alternative path for my daughter. As her mother only I can do this -By being careful in the choices I make for myself and for her.

There is no doubt my daughter cares about the way she looks. She spends time making sure she looks neat and presentable and is self conscious and embarrassed at times if she has undue attention brought to her.

This pride in herself is who she is and part of her personality- I love her for that.

As her mother, I don’t however feel I need to make it more of an issue than she does by providing her with toys that focus solely on her appearance to dictate her social interactions and sense of self-worth.

I want her to not only keep her childhood and sense of innocence for as long as possible but also want her to develop a more holistic view of herself and her sense of self-worth.

As far as toys can, Calico Critters provide part of that focus for her but there is something else, something that can make or break this well-intentioned thinking.

A Mother’s Role

As a mother I also need to practice what I preach.

I can’t go round saying she can’t be all these things and then focus on it myself - I need to be the role model for her.

I can’t focus on glamor and then expect her not to see that as the only feminine option.

Its like me spending all my life on Facebook, iphones, ipads and the like and then tell her she can’t play with computer games.

Our daughters will model our lives to a degree, especially at these early years.

So what does this all mean for me and my daughter’s toys?

For me it is about living what I teach but also being with her and teaching her different skills while learning at the same time, using her beloved Calico Critters as a basis.

If Bratz and Barbie teaches girls about glamor and fashion then Calico Critters can teach myself and my daughter about :

• art
• photography
• woodwork
• writing
• families
• design
• teamwork
• nature
• personal respect
• project management

Engage and Create

I realize I need to engage with my daughter and her toys – play with her instead of expecting her to play by herself, as my son happily does.

I also need to find ways of expanding her play so she can learn about things other than what her peers and/or society dictates – ie her looks and social interactions.

Some ideas :

• Design and make Critter clothes out of paper, knitting, sewing.
• Make and design Critter houses out of wood, cardboard, leaves & sticks
• Make dioramas out of craft and building materials
• Learn to use a camera and about lighting – take photos of the Critters indoors and outdoors
• Make movies and learn about stop motion animation
• Write and illustrate stories featuring the Critters-bind them into books

I made the choice to purchase Calico Critters instead of other toys (with her support of course) because I saw the potential for something more than the superficial – something holistic and well-rounded.

This was a wonderful intention and we both love the Critters.

But now, as a mother, I need to embrace the motivation behind that initial decision so we can learn together the things that will allow my daughter to grow into a confident young woman.

Lofty goals and I realize they are just toys, but I’ll let you know how it goes :0)

What about you and your daughter? What made you decide to buy Calico Critters for her – was it more than the “cute” factor?